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01-06-2008, 11:19 PM
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#1
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Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
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I'm working on a certain website, and I'm writing the content for its celebrity management page. The following is what I have:
Quote:
Celebrity Management
[Company Name] serves public relations and marketing & advertising industries while securing celebrities and personalities; we drive many of the most successful advertising campaigns, celebrity endorsements, personal appearances, PR activities, promotional launches and celebrity driven marketing events.
We also deliver professional keynote lecturers, inspirational experts, experienced hosts and hostesses, facilitators, first class cabarets, after-dinner entertainment speakers and business and inspirational motivational speakers to many of [Country Name]'s most prestigious conferences, meetings, client events, call center workshops and other memorable staff training & team building activities.[/b]
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Please help me to edit this ...
I'd greatly appreciate your help in advance.
__________________
cre8ive
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01-08-2008, 12:07 PM
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#2
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Member
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can't believe that was only two sentences 
maybe you should break it down because its sort of long
then again im not very that great in grammar myself
__________________
Often the only reward from defeating him is a special/key item - "Proof of Omega" - which has no use except bragging rights.
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01-09-2008, 05:06 PM
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#3
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The Boss :)
Join Date: Sep 2007
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There's a lot of adjectives used and makes it sound professional but I feel you should give more evidence and examples.
Also, try adding more sentences; thats two paragraphs? with one sentence each?
__________________
Cool 
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11-03-2008, 07:09 PM
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#4
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YourBabyDoll
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada.
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This is old, I'll close it for now.
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Miss.Brandy
Love me, or Hate me Personallly I couldn't care less.
Brandy456.blogspot.com Canadianbella99 @Gmail.com
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